Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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