oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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