do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
