Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
