I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
