Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
