A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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