you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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