I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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