i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
