I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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