I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
