i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
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well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
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I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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