dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Randomize
