i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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