Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize