I think my vagina is haunted
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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