I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I have fence marks all over my body
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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