i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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