Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
