Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
