When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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