i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
