tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
