so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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