He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
