I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
