She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
