pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
