I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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