i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
