Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk