My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it hurts more in the daytime
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
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Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
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OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE