Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm super disappointed in my clit.