if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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