I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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