I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
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also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
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My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts