i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
