meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
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Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
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Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
we should paint friendship bongs
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