he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
