Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Mom said you looked used
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
