my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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