I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize