If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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