Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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