Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
