he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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