So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
