i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
