i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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