I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
