Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She's the barista slut.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
