just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
