he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
