I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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