I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
