I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he fucked my hip out of place.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
