I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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