I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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