I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
