how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
