I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
