I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My liver just broke up with me...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
