Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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