She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize