Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
