If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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