i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
