I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
