Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
A+ Viking dick
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
