He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
