I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
